Bring Me Back
by alely7
Summary: After her fiance's death, Rory changes the path she was following only to meet an old friend who just might be able to ignite old dreams and feelings, and be able to bring her back. Literati
1. Trapped

Bring Me Back

**Disclaimer:**  I do not own these characters.

**Summary:  **After the tragic death of her fiancé, Rory changed the path that she was following only to meet an old friend who might just be the one to ignite past dreams and feelings. Future literati

**A/N:  **Ok, so this is my new fic, I'm glad yall like my last one, but I will not be doing a sequel any time soon…sorry.  I hope this one meets your standards.  It's a little depressing, but it will be much happier later on and some parts I will attempt to make funny (I'll try…) So keep reading, please don't give up on it! Ok, so this is a future fic, and I guess there'll be some things that I'll leave unsettled for a while, but you'll soon find out!!! ;)  Please let me know if I have any major characterization problems, etc. (but remember it's in the future and it will get more realistic) Thanks a bunch you guys!

Chapter 1:  Trapped 

Rory Gilmore backed herself up against the wall of the shower and slumped down to the ground.  Her tears along with the drops of water falling from the showerhead hit her face and slid slowly down her body.  She was shaking slightly as her sobs continued to grow in intensity.  It had been one year ago today.  One year since that fateful day.  She had been preparing for an interview with The New York Times.  And then she got the call.  There had been an accident the night before.  His plane hadn't made it back to Newark airport.  No survivors.  Rory also never made it to the interview.  And ironically, The New York Times was the first paper to print the story.   

           Rory thought back to the days before the accident.  The two of them had visited the caterer to plan the meal and the jewelry store to pick out the rings.  The wedding was only a few months away, and Rory was more excited than she had ever imagined she would be.  It was going to be a big soirée with lots of family and friends at a big church in New York City.  Her fiancé had been lenient in all of the choices, and what she had originally planned to be a small wedding had turned into dinner for two hundred.  

She was in a dreamland; so completely in love with him.  But then just days before the meeting with the priest and her big interview, he got a call from work.  He needed to go to London for some business.  Of course he had to go, but he and Rory had a falling out.  She complained that he was letting work dominate.  He said he needed to pay the bills.  Having no other choice, he boarded the plane to London, but on bad terms with Rory.  Throughout his stay, he and his fiancé never spoke, but feeling so overcome with guilt, he left the conference a day early to surprise Rory in time for the meeting with Father Conner and to wish her good luck for on interview.  The plane didn't make it though, and Rory had never gotten to say goodbye.  

           After the accident, Rory changed.  She gave up her dream of becoming a journalist for The New York Times and instead moved to California where she became a lit professor at Stamford.  She lost contact with her mother, and the rest of her family and friends from Stars Hollow and New York.  It was too painful; everything reminded her of him.  She needed a fresh start in an unfamiliar place, and California provided this for her.  Everyday, Rory would hold in her emotions, store them away, put on a seemingly emotionless façade.  She didn't have many friends in her new town, and she mostly kept to herself.  She became absorbed in novels and in teaching.  Her students were special, and she felt they deserved her undivided attention, thus, her life outside of the classroom was relatively non-existent.  

           She didn't like what she had become though.  She felt empty inside, devoid of the love and spirit that had filled her heart in her youth.  She tried to make herself happy, but her mind would always wander back to him.  She felt so guilty.  It was all her fault.   He was trying to come back to her; he loved her.  She knew he loved her, but she would never know if he knew that she truly loved him back.  And that ripped her apart.  

           After over half an hour huddled in the corner of the shower, Rory reluctantly organized her broken self and turned off the water and her tears.  It was time to go into 'teacher' mode.  She had to be careful today, and especially today, not to let her guard down.  She carefully stepped out of the shower and wrapped her towel around her body.  As she dried herself off, she thought more of him.  She would have been married to him by now.  She would have been a journalist too.  But she didn't let herself think of such things for long.  She mechanically dressed in her business suit, styled her hair, and applied her makeup.  She looked at herself in the mirror, adjusting her collar.  She didn't look twenty-seven.  She looked seventy-two.  Her clothing was too mature, and her face too worn.  It showed signs of sadness that she feared would never dissolve.  She smiled, but it looked strange.  It was unfamiliar and fake.

           After grabbing her books for class, Rory left for the local Starbucks, intent upon ordering a grande coffee, hoping it would relieve the stresses she expected of this day.  She had been doing better, but her progress thus far had been ruined today.  Rory paid for the coffee and decided to head to the bookstore across the street in order to pick up a new best seller.  As she perused the aisles, she passed the newspaper stand, and while trying to avert her eyes, she still happened to notice the headlines.  '_One year later: Families and Friends Still Grieve_'.  Her eyes glazed over with threatening tears, but she concentrated on the aisle of deliciously fantastic books ahead of her.

           Rory carefully examined several books before choosing one.  It was a relatively 'happy' book, and she figured that was what she would need that night.  She was walking up to the counter to pay, when something all too familiar caught her eye.  It was a stand of books, with a giant picture of the incredibly photogenic author.  

The young, fresh, and extremely talented writer, Jess Mariano.  

Rory's heart jumped a little; she hadn't seen him, or even a picture of him, for a year now.  She didn't like to remind herself of back home, but she couldn't help but read the caption on the stand.  His first novel was entitled Trapped, and it was a satirical commentary on life in a small town.  According to the accolades on the back of the book, he was destined to join the ranks of some of history's greatest authors.  It was a must read.  But Rory couldn't bring herself to do it.  Undoubtedly a novel, which was most likely based on Stars Hollow, would only bring back painful memories and yearning for the people she left behind.  It would be too dangerous if those thoughts were rekindled.  For some reason, she sighed, relieved, when she read he was touring Europe currently.  He wasn't nearby, and there was no chance of an unexpected meeting.  But she admonished herself for her craziness, for he was living in New York and he wouldn't be in California.  Yet, the picture made her feel as though he was right there in that room.  It made her miss him, and this was the last thing she needed right now.  

           Rory quickly paid for her book and departed from the bookstore.  She walked the short distance to the university, smiling politely at fellow professors.  Even though she did keep to herself, she was always friendly, and had a few acquaintances, who were mostly the other young professors, though Rory was the youngest.  

           She walked into the large lecture hall for class and deposited her books and jacket on her desk.  She looked over her notes for the day and made sure she was prepared.  After several minutes, Rory took out her new novel and began to read as the students flowed into the room.  

           The classroom soon filled up with eager students, ready for the day's discussion.  Professor Gilmore, although a little odd, was well liked by her students, and she was easy to relate to, due to her young age.  Her lectures and discussions were always enlightening.  Today, the class was especially crowded in preparation for the special conversation.  

           "Good morning."  Rory welcomed her students, attempting to hide her sadness. She received numerous replies, and continued.  "So, today's the day we'll finally be discussing Hemingway.  I know many of you have been looking forward to this, and many of you have not.  I actually once disliked Hemingway, and I found I couldn't get through his novels.  But I had this friend, and he enlightened me.  Hemingway is now one of my favorites, and I'm hoping that I can influence some of you into giving him another chance.  Re-read The Sun Also Rises and The Old Man and the Sea after our talk.  I hope you won't be disappointed."  Rory offered her first sincere smile of the day.  She truly was a Hemingway fan these days.  

           "Now," Rory began her analysis of some of the major themes of The Sun Also Rises.  "The first theme today will be the aimlessness of life.  It is obvious that Jake and his friends do not obtain long-term satisfaction from their carefree way of life.  It's easy to discern the relationship between this life devoid of meaning and World War I.  It---" 

Rory looked up to find a hand raised already, but the mysterious questioner was all the way in the back of the packed room, and Rory could not tell which of her students it was.  

           "Yes, you in the back."  Rory pointed to the hand.  

           "You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another."  Rory recognized the quote from The Sun Also Rises.

           "Ahh, I see you've done your reading, but I'm sorry, I can't see who you are.  Would you mind coming forward to share your opinions on this crucial quotation you've just put on the table for discussion."  Rory tried to see over the heads in the back, but to no avail.

           And then suddenly, the speaker stood up.

           Jess.  

           Rory's heart started beating.  'What is he doing here?  He's supposed to be in Europe.'

           "Well, Professor Gilmore, _I'm saying_ that you can't escape your past, or yourself, just by moving to California.  But I found you, although, I must admit, it wasn't easy."  He smiled a sly smile; one might even call it a smirk.  

                                                                                                                                                                                              Rory felt her knees buckle due to the surprise visitor.  She reached for the desk nearby to stabilize herself.  Jess was back, and she wouldn't be able to avoid him.  He had found her and now she would have to face not only him, but also everyone else who she had so abruptly left behind in her quest to bury her grief.  

**A/N:**  I hope this wasn't too depressing, I promise the rest of the fic won't be! It'll be MUCH happier, so please keep with it.  Please review! Thanks


	2. Loved Ones Lost

Bring Me Back

**Disclaimer:**  I do not own these characters.

**Summary:  **After the tragic death of her fiancé, Rory changed the path that she was following only to meet an old friend who might just be the one to ignite past dreams and feelings. Future literati

**A/N:  **Hey thanks for the reviews, yall are amazing!! And since today was blessed with snow, I spent the beginning of my snow day writing this!  So please keep those reviews coming and maybe I'll get another part up this weekend… Ok, so this chapter is a little depressing too, not happy yet, but just be patient, because I promise it's going to get very happy! And to the reviewer who talked about Rory teaching after only one year---good point! So I know that part is a little unrealistic, but please forgive me.  I would change it, but it is not really an important part of the fic, you can just pretend she has any other job besides journalism.  And as for introducing Jess in already, I didn't want to stretch things out too much, and since he plays a really big part I the fic, I put him in.  This fic isn't about her grieving as much as it is a romance.  And no worries, Tristan may be hot, but there's no role for him in my fic. And lastly, remember that I WILL settle all of the issues.  I don't like leaving loose ends.  Thanks for reading and please review!

Chapter 2:  Loved Ones Lost 

           After she got over the initial shock, Rory figured she needed to get back to her class and the previous discussion.  

           "Alright, let's move on." Rory tried her best to ignore the presence of Jess, but even with her averted eyes, she could feel his stare burning through her body.  And it was unbearable.  Excruciating.  

           She was just about to continue discussing Hemmingway when Jess spoke up once more.

           "Why are you being so evasive?" Jess asked pointedly.

           "I'm sorry, but I really need to teach right now, so we'll discuss this after class." Rory was stern, but Jess could tell that she was just as vulnerable as he had expected.

           The class 'oooed' in a dramatic tone, one like fifth graders would do, and Jess sat himself back down.  He would wait.  He was on a mission and he was not going to let Rory dodge him.

           Rory went back to teaching her class, but had severe trouble keeping her thoughts on track.  Her mind repeatedly wandered over to Jess.  'What is he doing here?' 'What did he mean by that quote?' 'Why did he have to say that in front of her class?' 'Why did he have to look so good?' At this last thought, a fresh wave of guilt empowered her body.  It had only been a year; she wasn't supposed to look at other men that way.  It wasn't fair to him.  She wasn't going to move on.  It was just wrong.  Especially this soon.  But she wasn't thinking about moving on, just about how gorgeous Jess was.  'Probably just because I haven't seen him a while.' But her reassurances didn't help.

           Rory talked on and on about Hemmingway and she noticed that whenever she stole a glance in the direction of Jess, he was firmly focused on her, a smirk plastered on his face.  'Well, I am the teacher, he should be concentrating on me.' She thought, but at the same time, she wondered if he was concentrating on her or her words.  It looked like the former.  

           After another two hours of heated debate and discussion, Rory was finally able to close off her class and get the hell away from Jess.  She needed to get out of there before he could catch up with her, so she quickly grabbed her belongings off of her desk and situated herself in the middle of the mob of departing students.  Rory carefully disguised herself among them and weaved in and out in order to reach the door.  But when she was finally in sight of her escape route, and arm popped out of the crowd and blocked the doorway.  Rory traced the arm along and found the matching body.  

           Jess.

           Again.

           "So, you thought you could get away, huh?" He said.

           Rory looked away embarrassed. "No, I, uh, I was just assuming that we were meeting out here." Rory lied as she pointed to the clearing hallway.

           "Rory?"

           "That's my name."

           "What are you doing?" Jess asked completely serious.

           "What do you mean? I'm talking to you."  She dodged the question he had just asked by feigning innocence.  But she knew he wasn't stupid, and she bought time for answering honestly.  Or at least answering with an elaborate lie.

           "Rory…" He warned.

           She waited for the crowd to disperse and the hallway to quiet down before she spoke.  "What are you doing here?" Some more dodging.  Maybe her nickname should be Dodger.

           "You didn't answer my question." He pointed out, growing frustrated.

           "I'm teaching and I live in California.  That is all there is to know.  Your turn."

           Jess obliged, and candidly replied, "I came here to bring you back."

           Rory stood quiet for a moment, taken in his blunt remark, not exactly expecting something as honest as that.

           "Well, let me save you some time right now in saying that I'm not going back." Rory took a step toward leaving, but Jess grabbed her hand.  The close contact got her heart beating.  

           "You have to come back.  You can't just take off like that and not come back.  Not to mention, not one phone call.  Your mother thought you were dead!"  His voice had risen and echoed through the now empty hall.

After a deep breath, Rory said, "Just let me move on, I was doing well."

"No you weren't.  Rory, you're unhappy.  Let us," he paused and corrected himself.  "Let me help you."

"No, I _don't_ need your help."  

"Yes you do."

"Jess, you've never lost someone you loved.  You can't tell me how I can or cannot cope."

"No, Rory, you're wrong.  I've lost the same person twice."  First Rory hadn't chosen him.  He had been devastated, but had gone on with life.  Then one day her car was gone.  And her clothes.  And her books.  And she was gone too.

           He was not letting her get away this time.

Rory looked at him, sadly, oblivious to the fact that he was talking about her.  She turned on her heels and walked down the hallway and away from him.

           Jess watched her disappear down the hallway and smiled to himself.  

He had gotten to her.

*********

Rory opened the door and walked out into the sunshine.  Due to the fact that Jess hadn't followed her, she figured that he had gotten a clue and let her be.  But surprisingly, she was disappointed.  He hadn't come after her.  Yet, she knew that he didn't need his help.  She was actually worried about that would happen if she got too close to him.  Again.  Rory did not need all of that drama back in her life.  Not now…not today.

           She continued to walk along the street, trying as hard as she could to forget everything going on in her life.  To forget what day it was, to forget who had just pooped back into her life.  But it proved to be so very difficult.  Everywhere that Rory went, she saw a reminder.  Newspapers, flowers, magazines.  All reminding her of what she could've had and of the guilt she still fostered.  She feared it would never go away, not with the annual reminder that shot her back down.  

And then there were the billboards and posters, magazine ads.  All pointing to Jess Mariano and his novel, Trapped.  Rory herself felt trapped.  She was caught between her love for her fiancé and her desire to move on.  But she didn't want to hurt him.  She didn't want to move on too quickly, for fear he may be watching her from above.  She needed him to know how much she loved, loves him.  Or was it loved?

But Rory's thoughts were rudely interrupted by a tap on her shoulder.  She spun around to reveal Jess, once more.  She wasn't sure if she was happy that he actually had followed her, but she tried not to show it.

"What?" She asked as though she needed to be somewhere, when in actuality, there was nowhere to go but back to her apartment.

"You know, you are almost more stubborn than your mother."

She felt a twinge of sadness when he mentioned Lorelai.  "Not possible." Rory kept on walking, faster than a normal person would walk, but Jess's large strides kept him with her.

"Rory, you are being selfish.  Just because you were hurt doesn't give you the right to hurt all the people who care about you.  Your mother misses you so much.  She has been a wreck without her daughter and best friend.  She actually gave up coffee, saying that without you there to share the experience with, it's lost all importance and meaning.  And Luke…it's like he lost a daughter too."

Rory didn't say anything in response, but she could feel so many memories coming back to her.  She missed home.  She missed her mother, she missed Luke, she missed Lane, she missed Sookie, she missed Kirk.  She missed Jess.

"I miss you too."  Jess continued shyly.  Rory was caught off guard by his revelation, and she wanted to say it back…but then what would happen.  She couldn't go back.  Not after all of this time.

When Rory didn't say anything back, she could see the obvious sting she had caused through Jess's eyes.  And for the first time since she had seen him today, she studied him.  He had changed too.  His eyes didn't glow with mysteriousness anymore.  And he looked tired, uncommonly tired for a twenty-seven year old.  He seemed so much wiser, just by looking at his face.  He exuberated a sense of honest truth, like he had seen a war.  Or lost a friend.

Although he was hurt by her blow off, Jess tried not to show his emotions.  He had learned long ago that nothing but pain came from expressing his true self.  And that's why he told himself that the only reason he had come to get Rory was because of Lorelai's adamant begging.  He knew that he didn't need all of that hurt to come flooding back to him.  

He kept on trying but his anger and frustration took over.  He had been heart, and even though he still cared about her, she was beginning to piss him off.  Unfortunately, his anger didn't clearly display his thoughts and intentions.

"Fine, Rory.  I don't care what you do, it is your life.  It's too bad you're wasting it away with out your family.  Don't do me any favors, I don't need or want anything from you. But Lorelai does.  I'm going back east tomorrow, I'm not going to wait around for you forever.  Here," He handed her a piece of paper.  "This is my hotel, room number and phone number."

She took the paper in her hands and read it over a few times.  

"Stop thinking only of yourself." He didn't mean for it to come out so harshly, but it had.  He offered her one last look before walking in the opposite direction.  Rory didn't even watch him walk away, for she was puzzled by his hurtful attitude.  'Why had he suddenly changed?' She asked herself.  He seemed to hate her, but Rory couldn't think why.  Was it because she hadn't said she missed him too? Or because he was still upset about what had happened all those years ago?  But it couldn't be the latter, because they had talked about it, and become friends after that.  

But even though she did care, she didn't want to.  She missed them all, but wouldn't admit it.  So she threw the paper into the nearest wastebasket and walked on as though she didn't have a care in the world.

But she did.  She cared way too damn much.

A/N: How was it? I hope ok.  So next chapter will be more interesting and you'll find out some stuff too (like why Jess is mad).  So please review!!!! Cause reviews rock, and then I will probably type the next chapter up this weekend if I get enough positive feedback.  Thanks yall!!!!!


	3. After All This Time

Bring Me Back

**Disclaimer:**  I do not own these characters.

**Summary:  **After the tragic death of her fiancé, Rory changed the path that she was following only to meet an old friend who might just be the one to ignite past dreams and feelings. Future literati.

**A/N:  **Thanks for the reviews yall! I hope that the decrease in number from the first chapter doesn't mean that yall aren't still interested… Because then I'll just go on to my next fic and leave this one alone.  Sorry this chapter is short.  Anyway, thanks for the reviews and please review this chapter!!!!!!! - alex-

Chapter 3: After All This Time… 

Rory walked down the street, all the time thinking about that small piece of paper she threw away.  _Was it a mistake?_ She certainly hoped it wasn't.  But she figured there was no use thinking about it now, after all, the paper was probably at the bottom of gross thrown out food and cigarette butts.  But…she couldn't help thinking about throwing away what was most likely her last opening for a trip home.  

She bitterly pushed open the door to her apartment building and immediately felt bad for taking out her feelings on the door.  So what if it was an inanimate object, it still didn't deserve it.

She smiled politely to the people she passed on the way to her elevator and quickly pushed 'close door'.  Rory used her time alone in the elevator to attempt to figure out what had happened over the course of the day.

Rory had grieved.  _She was still grieving_, she reminded herself, but in actuality, she hadn't thought about the accident for at least half an hour now.  Not much, but on the anniversary of his death, she should be thinking about him more.  Less about Jess.  

But she couldn't help herself.  Jess had come back, unwanted, and turned everything upside down.  Now she truly did want to go home.  Try to get back to her life before she met her fiancé.  Go back in time.  Then maybe she could do things differently, and not just with the trip to London and the fight.  Maybe she wouldn't choose him.  Forego some of that drama she had with Jess when she hadn't chosen him.  Maybe she would choose Jess.  Things would have certainly turned out much differently.  She could almost imagine it too.  Sipping coffee at a small coffee shop in New York.  Avoiding the conformity of Starbucks.  He would be writing novels, just like he is now.  She would be writing for The New York Times.  

It was then that Rory realized just how unhappy she was.  She missed the love of her life, but was he really her soulmate?  She had thought so then.  She had thought so this morning…Now? She hated herself for doubting it.  Of course he was.  Is.  Was? 

But that wasn't all of it.  Her job at the university, while it was a good job, wasn't fulfilling her dream.  

Dejected, she walked off of the elevator and to her apartment door.  She searched through her purse for her key, and along the way, found a small piece of paper.  But she decided she would get inside before reading it.

Once inside, she carefully opened the folded paper to reveal the name of Jess's hotel, his room number and phone number.  She could have sworn that she had thrown it out.  _Was she losing her mind?  Had the paper magically floated back into her purse?  Or had be been smart and slipped it in there knowing she would throw out the first one?_  She considered it was probably the last possibility, not wanting to believe it was fate, or that she was going crazy.  

Rory sat down at her desk chair and pondered the power over her life she had right now.  It was her second chance of some sorts.  But what to do?

She put the paper down on the desk and walked into her bathroom where she planned to take a bath.  She would try to let the stresses she was fostering escape.  But she didn't count on it.  

As the tub filled up with hot water, she looked at herself in the steamy mirror, but she couldn't see in front of her.  Just like her future.  She couldn't see where she was going.  With one shaky hand, she brushed aside the dew from the mirror.  Her face was clear now, but not recognizable.  A single tear rolled down the face in the mirror, but Rory didn't even know that she had been crying.  

After carefully stepping into the tub, she forced herself to come to a conclusion.  _Who would she betray?_

********

Rory walked over to the phone where she slowly dialed in the familiar number.  Her fingers were numb and she hadn't realized that she was shaking until now.  She thought maybe it was a sign, but her fingers continued to punch the keys and she put the phone to her ear.  

One ring.  _I can't go through with it._

Another ring.  _Hang up now, you can still do it._

Another ring.  _It's gonna be too late, now's your chance._

The fourth ring.  _Why haven't you hung up yet?_

"Hello?" Rory heard and cursed herself for not hanging up.  Now she had to go through with it.

           "Hi, it's Rory."

Pause.

           "I'm doing ok, thanks.  You?" _If ok now means hellish_, Rory thought bitterly.  

Pause. A long pause.

           "Yeah, I probably should."  Rory forlornly twisted her engagement ring off.  She looked at it closely and put it on the desk.

Pause.

           "Oh, you saw?" She asked surprised.

Pause.

           "Yeah, well, I'm not sure exactly." Rory admitted.

Another long pause.

           "That's what I think I need to do too."  Rory sighed.  

Pause.

           "Thanks for understanding." She thanked.

Pause.

           "No, really, I appreciate it."

Pause.

           "I'll see you soon." Rory closed off the conversation and her call-ee hung up.  

           Rory herself hung up the phone, contemplating whether or not she did the right thing.  Whether or not she was going to do the right thing.  She stood up from her chair and wandered into her bedroom where she picked up several outfits and necessities.  Then she moved onto the bathroom, where she began throwing everything she could into her duffel bag.  And then on to the bookcase where she grabbed some books she felt she would need.  Hemmingway. Ayn Rynd.  Rory picked up her laptop and briefcase then put on her coat.  Her hair was still wet and she was in sweats, but she didn't bother.  She felt as though she were a fugitive on the run.  And actually, she was on the run.  She had been running from all of her problems for a year now.  

           Rory gathered everything together and turned off the light.  It was then that she remembered that she left her engagement ring.  After a moment of reflection, she opened the door to reveal the bright light from the hallway.  The ambiance made this whole ordeal seem like an epiphany.  Opening a door to a bright future, Rory only hoped.  

_The only way to move forward is to not look back.  At all. On anything.  _

She walked into the hallway and shut the door behind her.

           The engagement ring still sat on her desk. 

********

Rory paid the cabbie and walked into the familiar building.  She had actually lived there for some time earlier that year.  She boarded the elevator and pressed the button for her destination.  She watched the numbers illuminate at the elevator slowly ascended.  At the seventh floor, Rory hopped off with all of her belongings in tow.  She walked very slowly until she got to the door.  

After placing her things on the floor, she knocked three times and then let her hand fall to her side.  She was just about to knock again when she heard footsteps and she pinched her left thigh to keep herself prepared.

The door opened and Rory gasped.

"Hi." Rory said.

A/N: To be continued???? Please review or maybe I won't!!!! Who do you think she called and whom do you think she is visiting? Warning, don't make hasty assumptions! Oh, and the 'pauses' were when the call-ee was talking, but I didn't want you to know what she/he said, so….Thanks for reading and please review!!! Thanks.


	4. I Didn't Know

Bring Me Back

**Disclaimer:**  I do not own these characters.

**Summary:  **After the tragic death of her fiancé, Rory changed the path that she was following only to meet an old friend who might just be the one to ignite past dreams and feelings. Future literati.

**A/N:  **Thanks for the reviews yall! This is a loaded chapter, and you'll learn a lot about what happened in the past, and don't worry, there will be some good lit action soon.  Patience is a virtue ;)  Ok, so I'm going to be very mean, and say that if I get 30 reviews, then I will continue in one week (I have exams this week).  But if I get less than 30, you'll have to wait until next year…oh I love the power lmao.  I just really want to know what yall think, especially about the flashback etc.  Anyway, thanks for the reviews and please review this chapter!!!!!!! - alex-

Chapter 4: I Didn't Know 

The door opened and Rory gasped. Jess didn't have a shirt on.  Just low-slung pajama pants.  _Oh boy.  _

"Hi." Rory said.  She looked him up and down and felt slightly embarrassed for doing so.  

"Hi." Jess replied.  He was actually shocked that she had come.  _But did this mean she would allow him to take her back?_

Rory continued to stand in the hallway with her bags at her feet.  Jess watched her closely for a clue as to why she had changed her mind.  He noticed that the ring that had been on her finger earlier that morning had now vanished.  

"Can I…?" She motioned with her hand to the hotel room and he opened the door more widely and stood to the side.  He didn't offer to help with her belongings though.  He was still hurt.  Angry.  Confused.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as she placed her things on the couch and he shut the door.  He knew that either she was saying goodbye for good, or that she was going back to Stars Hollow with him.  

"I'm going back with you." She told him, still staring at his bare chest.  He had begun to wish he had a shirt on.  And he didn't quite believe it.

"Are you sure?"

She hesitated for a moment and he scolded himself for causing her doubts.  Lorelai would kill him if she knew what he did.  _Please be sure.  Please be sure._

"I'm sure.  Are you sure I can go with you?"  Jess sighed with relief, but realized that she didn't seem too sure.  Just as long as he could get her there.  Without falling in love with her again. Seeing her was making him think it wouldn't be as easy as he had thought.  He was still mad, but she just…brought back so many feelings.  

"Oh, yeah, of course, I was just a little surprised.  I would have thought you'd call." He admitted.

"Sorry about that, I just thought that if I called, I might chicken out, not be able to go through with it.  This way it was very spur of the moment.  I hope I'm not an inconvenience."

"You're not."

"Oh ok."

"Did you get time off of work? I'm sure that it would be an inconvenience for them if you didn't just show up tomorrow."

"Yeah, I called a fellow professor and she knows what's going on."

"Ok."  This awkward conversation was excruciating.  

Rory nodded. She couldn't take much more of this.  He was so obviously bothered by something, and she needed to mend this.  If she were going to go home, she needed an ally, not an enemy.  The whole town was probably down on her.  

"Ok then, you can sleep in there."  He pointed to a bedroom just a few feet away.  For a fleeting second, Rory thought that meant she would spend the night in his room, but she soon realized that he was a famous author, with plenty of money, and he had a hotel room with more than one bedroom.  She stood up and walked to the room and he followed.  She flopped herself on the bed and laid on her back for a moment.  

"The train leaves tomorrow at 8, so we'll be leaving at 6.  We'll get back to New York in approximately 4 days.  I didn't think that you would want to take a plane."

"So you thought I was going to come?"

"Well, I had counted on it.  Until around 10:30 tonight, then I started to doubt myself.  But nevertheless, I have your ticket."

"Thanks, Jess."  He just nodded and was about to walk out the door when Rory stopped him.  "Wait!"  He turned back around, confused.

"Yeah?"

"I want to talk to you."  She patted the space next to her on the bed.  He began to worry.  He didn't want to talk to her.  Talking would not help.  Only harm.

"It's getting really late, I should just go to bed…" He trailed off.

"No." He looked shocked at her straightforwardness.  "We're talking." He obligingly walked towards her, but instead of sitting on the bed next to her, he sat on the couch, across the room from her.  But she wouldn't give up that easily and she moved to sit next to him on the couch.  The close proximity got his heart beating, and he was sure she could notice.  Not to mention, he still had no shirt on.  

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked hoping to get this done and over with.

She paused for a second.  "Why are you so mad at me?"  He groaned.  This was the one question he hadn't wanted to answer.

"I'm not mad."  He said defensively.  But she didn't buy his bullshit.  She fixed him with her withering stare and he remembered back to their days as friendly high-schoolers.  "Ahh, so you're going to get me to talk with that famous Gilmore 'withering stare'?" He asked light heartedly.  _Wow_, he thought,_ What happened to being mad?  That wasn't the tone of a guy with a broken heart…_

"If it works."  She joked, also wondering where the gaiety had suddenly come from.  Like a time warp, back to her past.  Her past relationship with Jess.

"I don't think you want to know why."  Back to the seriousness.

"Jess, if I'm going to go back, I want my friend back.  Are you mad about my leaving or about Jack?" He cringed at the name.  God damn Jack.  May he rest in peace.

"Both…but more about…" He trailed off.

"Which?" She encouraged him.

"Jack." He whispered, for the first time expressing his feelings on the matter.

"But I thought that you eventually forgave him?  I thought you had realized that I didn't do anything wrong?"

"I guess I was just lying then, huh?" Back to angry.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four Years Ago 

**"Hello?" Jess said into the phone.**

**"Jess!" Rory shouted into the phone and he immediately brightened.**

**"Rory!  It's so good to hear from you.  What time are you coming home?"**

**"I'm in the car right now.  I'll be there in 2 hours.  There's lots of traffic in the city."  _Only 2 hours, that's so close_, he thought.  "I can't wait to see you." She added.**

**"Ditto." He replied.  It had only been a month, but way too long.  For the past year, both had been single, and while the two of them remained friends, more than a little flirting was exchanged.  Tonight he was going to make his move.  He had it all planned out.  Candles.  Flowers.  Dinner.  The bridge.  And then he would tell her how he felt.**

**"I have a surprise for you." She said.**

**"Great."  _I have one for you too,_ he thought.**

**"Well, I'll see you soon.  Bye Jess."**

**"Bye Rory."  He hung up the phone and got to work.  He decided that tonight would be the first night of the rest of his life.  And he was almost completely sure that she would feel the same way.  Especially after all those 'almost moments' they had shared recently.**

************

**Luke eyed Rory's car pull up and he shouted for Jess.  "Rory's here.  Get down here."  Jess immediately dropped his book and clamored down the stairs.  He walked into the dinner to find a nightmare. **

**"Jess!" She ran up to him and enveloped him in a hug.  But he stood motionless and refrained from wrapping his arms around her body.  He eyes remained on the door.  **

**Rory let go of him and walked back to the door.  She grabbed the man's hand.  "Jess, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Jack."  Jess wanted to die.**

**"Jess, how have you been?  It's been too long man."  Jack went to slap Jess on the shoulder, the way some men show emotions, but Jess backed up.  Rory looked confused.**

**"You two know each other?" She looked back and forth between them.**

**"Yeah, Jess and I used to be buddies back in freshman and sophmore years of high school."  Jack said and Jess wanted to roll his eyes-he wouldn't exactly call them buddies-but he was afraid that if he did so, tears would fall.  _How could she?_**

**"Oh, what a small world."  Rory smiled, feeling completely innocent, not knowing how she had just brutally murdered the poor heart of one of her best friends, Jess.  She placed an arm around Jack and Jess seriously thought he was about to throw up.  He needed to get out of there before he killed Jack.  **

**"I have to go." Jess choked out, and Rory looked at him, perplexed.**

**"How come?  I just got here.  I thought we were going to hang out?" Rory asked, genuinely hurt that Jess was blowing her off.**

**"Maybe later."  Jess replied curtly and grabbed his coat before walking out the door.**

**"What was that about?" Rory asked, not really addressing anyone, but Jack seemed to think it was addressed to him.**

**"I think I know."  He said and Rory urged him to continue.  "We weren't exactly buddies.  I was actually the guy who caught him stealing and I reported him.  After that, his life began to fall apart.  He had to leave for Stars Hollow and pretty soon I moved to Boston.  I never really heard anything about him after that.  But I bet he still hates me."  Rory groaned.  This was not what she needed.  Her friend hating the boyfriend she was starting to really love.  **

**"Let me go talk to him."  Rory made sure Jack was seated and had coffee before she left to go find Jess.  She suspected he would be at the bridge.  And she was right.  There he was, sitting with his legs dangling off the side.  And there was a small picnic set up too.  _But that wasn't for her, was it?_  After all, there were candles and flowers.  Seemed too romantic.  **

**"Jess?"  He looked up, and he wasn't smiling, like he usually was when she would come to find him here.  "I didn't know you knew him.  He told me about what happened and I also didn't know he did that to you.  I'm sorry."**

**"Don't be.  I just…Do me a favor and keep him away from me.  I can't deal with him." _You and him,_ Jess bitterly thought.**

**"But, it'll be hard.  When will I get to hang out with you?"  Would she have to choose between Jess, her friend, and Jack, her boyfriend?  That was hardly fair.**

**"I guess you'll just have to deal."  He couldn't help but be bitter.   It just figured that he could never get what he wanted.  But Rory didn't like people being mad at her, so she continued to try to talk to him.**

**"Whose is this?"  She pointed to the picnic and Jess just shrugged.**

**"Must just be some happy couple's who decided to take their show somewhere private while neglecting to finish their food."   Jess lied.  The couple wasn't happy.  The couple wasn't a couple after all.  The girl was with another man and the boy was hurt and alone.**

**"Oh, how sweet." Rory smiled.  "I wanted to spend some time with you." She was giving him one last chance to make his move.  She would choose him if he tried.  **

**"Don't worry about it.  Go back to Jack."  _Go back to the one man I hate more than anyone._  It was the hardest thing Jess had ever had to do.  Let the girl he loved go.**

**Rory paused for a moment but then got up and brushed off her pants.  Her eyes lingered on Jess and then she closed them, as if she needed to think about what she was about to do.  But it was done.  She was leaving.  He hadn't taken the opportunity.  He didn't love her as she had suspected.  She left and things would never be the same.**

**Rory walked down the bridge and back to Luke's thinking about this monumental decision that she made.  She decided that it was time to move on from Jess.  For the past year, she had hinted, and he had even hinted back, but he hadn't made a move.  She wasn't going to wait forever for him.  Jack adored her and she was sure that her life with Jack would be spectacular.  His job was extremely promising and he would never hurt her.  It was just a matter of waiting.  And she was done with it.  She opened the door to the diner and realized that this was the path she was choosing, no going back now.  It was another open door.  She pushed her feelings for Jess aside and devoted herself fully to Jack.  She would eventually become his fiancé.  And then she would lose him.  **

**Was it fate?**

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"God Jess, what do you want me to say? I'm sorry?  I still don't even know exactly what you're mad about.  When did it start?  What did I do?"  Her voice was rising as she continued the argument.

"You fucking brought Jack home."  She cringed when he said that word.  She didn't like him to use it.  And he knew that.

"Oh my God, I brought home a boyfriend.  Why the hell did you care? It's not like I was cheating on you!"

"No, but…" His rough voice softened.

"What?" Hers was still harsh.

"I hadn't expected you to bring someone home.  I was going to…I wanted to…The, uh, picnic was for you."  He mumbled, now embarrassed beyond belief.  Forget the lack of shirt, this was mortifying.  After all these years.

"Ohhhh…" A look of realization came upon her face.  _On that night, was he planning to make a move?  Did I walk out on him just as he was about to confess something?  Had I ruined it when I brought Jack home?  I screwed up what he had planned.  Fuck.  I mean, damn.  _"Were you, uh, going to, uh," She took a deep breath and tried again.  She was shaking now.  "I didn't know."

And then Rory leaned into Jess.  She placed a hand on his bare shoulder and looked deeply into his eyes.  His hurt eyes.  That's what it been.  He hadn't just lost a friend, he had lost a loved one.  She was the one he had lost.  She had lost Jack only once.  But Jess had lost Rory twice.  It was all so clear.  

Rory closed the gap between them as she inched closer and closer to him.  He had closed his eyes expectantly and she now closed hers.  His breath lingered on her neck and she shivered.  _What am I doing?_ But she still continued closer.

A/N: Oooh, how mean am I??? LOL  So remember, 30 reviews or not until next year. Hehe  PLEASE let me know if you have any comments, suggestions, or if yall like it.  Is it too soap-opera-ishy? Hope not.  Like the whole, who Jack is thing.  Oh well, let me know.  Please review!!! Thanks! Happy Holidays!


	5. Wonderful And Cruel Irony

Bring Me Back

**Disclaimer:**  I do not own these characters.

**Summary:  **After the tragic death of her fiancé, Rory changed the path that she was following only to meet an old friend who might just be the one to ignite past dreams and feelings. Future literati.

**Archive:** Feel free to archive this work, but you have to let me know first at alely7@yahoo.com

**A/N:  **Thanks for the reviews yall! I got over 50, so that's why I am continuing today.  I didn't ask for the reviews because I am a review nut, just because I wanted comments and suggestions, and I got some great ones that I actually incorporated.  Please, I need your feedback!  Anyway, thanks for the reviews and please review this chapter!!!!!!! 

- alex-

Chapter 5: Wonderful and Cruel Irony 

           Rory closed the gap between them as she inched closer and closer to him.  He had closed his eyes expectantly and she now closed hers.  His breath lingered on her neck and she shivered.  _What am I doing?_ But she still continued closer.

           Just as their lips were about to meet, they were both struck with differing thoughts.  For Rory, it was too soon.  She couldn't do something like this to Jack, especially not on the anniversary of his death.  And for Jess, he didn't want to get too close.  He was still upset, considerably less upset, but still upset.  

           And so they jumped apart.  

           Rory quickly walked over to her suitcase and began perusing the contents while Jess looked forlornly out the window onto the relatively busy street.  He missed New York.  He missed the way things used to be…

           "I'll see you tomorrow at 6 then, ok?" He said, trying to close off this meeting and head to bed.  To get away from the discomfiture.

           Rory snapped out of her daze.  "Yeah, that's fine."  She replied.

           Jess walked to the door and just as he was about to close it, he whispered 'goodnight'.  Rory heard his faint utterance and she herself nodded in acknowledgement.

           They simultaneously thought:  _This is going to be a looooooooong trip._

********

           At 5:30 the next morning, Rory awoke at the sound of a knock on her door.  She figured it was Jess, considerately waking her up.  She drowsily stretched her body out and slowly opened her eyes.  She decided that this was the first day of the second chapter of her life.  Reconstruction.  Just like the famous post-Civil War movement.  Now was her time to rejoin the union, but it wouldn't quite ever be the same as it was.  She would forever have the reminder of the separation. A reminder of the precious time she lost in her mourning.  _But_, she reminded herself, _she was still mourning_.  She would never stop mourning.  But honestly, she wanted to stop.  She wished she had stopped a while ago.  

           Rory finally pulled herself together and slowly stepped out of bed.  She quickly dressed in khakis and a sweater before brushing her teeth and applying her makeup.  But when she looked at herself in the mirror, she frowned.  It was still too... fake.  After all the progress she had made yesterday, Rory still looked like not at all like herself.  Or maybe, that's just how she looked now.  She prayed it wasn't.  She didn't like the new Rory.  Not one bit.  

           When she realized that she could do nothing to remedy this situation before the train left, she reluctantly packed up her belongings that she had unpacked the night before and walked into the hallway with all of her things.  Jess was sitting in the kitchen area, reading a newspaper.  She wondered if he was reading an article about the accident.  But she didn't dare ask.  

           When Jess felt the presence of another being in the room, he put down his paper and looked up at her.  

           "Editorials." He smiled sheepishly, knowing she was wondering if he was reading about the accident.  Rory just nodded, still slightly embarrassed by her audacity the night before. Seeing he wasn't going to get a proper response, Jess continued.  "Ready?"

           Rory shrugged,  "I guess so." _That will have to do_, he thought.

           "Alright, well the driver is waiting downstairs."  He grabbed her bags and opened the door for her.  Rory wondered where his bags where.  _Probably the driver already took them down_, she thought.  _Driver? Wow._  It was impressive.  Very impressive.

           Her questions were answered when they got to the front driveway outside of the hotel.  Sure enough, Jess's bags were already neatly placed in the trunk of the car.  Jess carefully placed Rory's luggage in the trunk also as the driver opened the door for Rory.  She stepped in and slid over the seats to the far end, leaving plenty of room for Jess.  Rory waited for him to enter the car, but he didn't.  And minutes passed, and he still hadn't.  She looked around but couldn't see him anywhere.  And where had the driver gone off?

           After waiting impatiently for another several minutes, the door opened and Jess was revealed with two coffees in his hand.  He wordlessly stepped in and handed Rory one of the coffees. She took it hungrily, and shyly at the same time, and offered a grateful thanks.  He smiled.

           "I didn't think you had given up your coffee."

           "I could never." Rory replied and immediately hated herself.  She couldn't give up her beloved coffee, but she left her family and friends behind.  She was shocked at her frivolity and was suddenly not in the mood for her coffee.  Jess noticed that ten minutes into the ride, she had yet to imbibe.

           "Did I get the wrong kind?" He asked, feeling a bit embarrassed. _ I **should** know what kind of coffee she drinks_, he thought.  

           "Oh no, that's not it.  You got it right."  Rory didn't want him to feel bad, for he was right in getting her favorite.  He nodded in understanding, and when he saw she still didn't take a sip, he questioned no further.

           The rest of the short car ride to the station was so awkwardly quiet that Jess almost hoped Rory would back out so he wouldn't have to endure a four day train trip under these conditions.  He shuddered at the thought, but he wanted her to go home.  Something, anything, needed to be done.  

           Once at the station, the driver took care of the bags while Jess walked up to the ticket counter, Rory not far behind.

           "Good morning sir, your tickets?" A cheerful, middle-aged woman greeted.

           "Good morning." Jess said as he handed over the tickets for 321 and 322.  No, he would not be rooming with her.

           The woman typed some information into her computer before handing Jess the tickets that had now been stamped.  "Well, sir, I hope you and your wife have a nice safe trip."  She winked.

           "Oh, she's not my wife." He was quick to correct and Rory noticed.  She sighed.  _He must really hate me still or else he would have just let it go.  _

           "Whatever you say, sir."  She winked again and motioned for the next in line.  Jess looked at her, puzzled.  Surely she would have figured that two people rooming separately were not a married couple.  He shook his head in disbelief and walked on.  But he couldn't help but smile all of sudden.  Someone had thought that they were a couple.  

Along the way to the train, Jess decided to pick up some reading material at the small newsstand.  As he was about to pay, he came upon a poster for his book.  And sure enough, there was a picture of him.  When he had written the book, he had no idea it would be this popular.  And it didn't particularly like all of the extra attention that was paid to him.  Well, except that he got a driver.  And a new apartment.  So, there were a few perks, but the teenage girl fan base was not one of them.  He silently prayed no one would recognize him as he took out his money.  From the corner of his eye, he could see Rory looking at him and laughing at his hilarious antics: he had rolled up the collar of his jacket and had put on some sunglasses.  But when Rory spotted him looking at her, she immediately stopped.  She figured they just weren't good enough friends again yet.  Oh, but she wanted to be.  She missed joking with him.  Mercilessly making fun of him.  All of it.

Jess sighed with relief as he left the small store without being recognized and waited for Rory to rejoin him.  He heard the speakers boom as the boarding of their train was announced.  Their luggage had already been stored away in the baggage train except for a few small bags that would sustain them for the trip.  And so the two of them waited in line to board and when they finally had, they were pointed in the direction of their rooms.  They were walking down the short hallway when Rory froze.  

"I thought you said we had two separate rooms?" She asked. 

"We do." He replied as he kept looking for the rooms.  But she grabbed his arm and stopped him.  She pointed to a door that had a worn "321-322" posted on it.

"Shit." He said as he used the key for 321 to open the door.  _There better at least be two beds.  _There were, but not much else.  Not even a door to the bathroom.  The trip would be so much longer now.  No privacy.  How would they deal?

"Well, now I understand why that woman thought we were married."  Rory tried to break up the tension, but it just made things worse.  Bringing up marriage.  Never a good topic.  She sat on one bed and looked up to him, as if she were silently asking him what the hell they would do.  He didn't have an answer. 

So he would dodge.  Live up to his nickname she had given him all those years ago.

"I'm gonna go check out the bar." _And get drunk off my ass,_ he added to himself.

"Wait." She pulled him down onto the other bed.  He sat across from her.  Both had their legs facing what there was of an aisle.  Their knees briefly touched causing Rory's heart to leap.  He looked at her expectantly and she inhaled sharply before she began.  "I meant to tell you this last night."  She paused for a while.  "If I had known," she decided to clarify, "If I had known about how you were going to, well, make your move, I would have, um…" _This is hard._  "If I had known you had felt that way, I would have chosen you." She sputtered out.

At the utterance of just those words, he felt as though his heart had stopped altogether.  He looked down at his feet, which suddenly were wholly deserving of his attention.  He looked to the window.  He looked to his bag.  He looked everywhere, except for at her.  

After several moments of silence, she spoke up.

"Jess, say something." She pleaded, her voice wavering.  She wasn't looking for him to tell her he loved her.  She just wanted a friendship to be reconciled.  Maybe he wouldn't be as spiteful knowing this new bit of information.

He sighed and picked up her hand and rested it in his own.  With his other hand, he began to trace along her fingers.  He still didn't say anything, but Rory began to worry less.  Her heart though, began to beat out of control.  His fingers…Her hand…

Jess began tracing something on her palm, but Rory wasn't able to discern any letters besides an F and S.  She looked up to him and for the first time, their eyes met.

"Friends again?" He finally spoke, holding her gaze.

She heaved a sigh of relief.  "Friends again." Rory smiled, and even though she couldn't see it, it was the first time she had looked like Rory in a year.  This was good.  He smiled back.

"Sounds like some corny Judy Blume title."

"Oh, Jesus, don't even get me started." She laughed.  Back to the jokes.  Back…little by little.  He was bringing her back.

**A/N: **Ok, sorry that the chapter was a little short, but it was kinda transitional-ly.  Yeah, so please review!!!! I seriously consider all of the feedback I get!!!! And I love it!  So make my Christmas all the merrier and drop me a note.  

_Happy Holidays!!!!!!_

**~alex~**


	6. Home

**Bring Me Back**** **

**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters.

**Summary: **After the tragic death of her fiancé, Rory changed the path that she was following only to meet an old friend who might just be the one to ignite past dreams and feelings. Future literati.

**A/N:**Hey, sorry it has been so long.I just have been sooo busy and unmotivated.I didn't get as much of a response to the last chapter, so I didn't get much feedback that helped me decide where to go.So…that means I'm going back to the 30 reviews shmeal.I am not going to continue for another month unless I get 30 reviews, and please try to make them helpful, because I really need it.It took me like a month to write this chapter, it was so hard.So, 30 reviews or after valentine's day…you choose dudes. Visit my site: [www.angelfire.com/al4/alely7][1] it's called [ literati :: perfection ] and it's all Rory/Jess fanfics and fanart.And send in your work too at [alely7@yahoo.com][2].Danke my friends and enjoy this long overdue chapter.

~alexela~

** **

# Chapter 6: Home

The days moved slowly by and at last, Rory and Jess found themselves just hours away from New York.The twosome had spent their time together, huddled on the train, catching up on the lost year.Rory, regretting her decision to move out west, felt the strong impulse to make up for her time, and divulged her every feeling.Except for her possible feelings for Jess.Those thoughts would remain her own for the time being, perhaps forever.

"Jess?" Rory called idly from her bed, boredom had already set in fully, and now she was counting down the hours to get the hell off the train.Even if she would have numerous obstacles to face once back home.

"Ya?" His jaw hardly formed a response.

"How much longer?" Rory yawned.And he didn't need to ask 'How much longer for what?' because this had been the archetypal question for the last 32 hours, after their normal, coherent conversations had ceased and topics to discuss had waned.

"4 hours and 27 minutes," he looked at his watch, "and 23,22,21 seconds." Christ, this would take awhile.

"But last time I asked you said 4 hours and 30 minutes, and that was over an hour ago." Rory whined, never the patient one.

"You asked me 3 minutes ago, Rory." He said incredulously."It was _not_ over an hour ago."

"Oh." Was her simple reply.She didn't have the strength to argue.

The two lay silently on their respective beds for several minutes, unable and unwilling to attempt to occupy themselves with something other than their thoughts.

"Jess?"

"4 hours and 23 minutes and 15 seconds." He assumed her question to be the same.

"Actually, I wasn't going to ask you that…but thanks for telling me."Silence.

"Then what were you going to ask me?" He asked impatiently after she had not continued on.

"Oh."She thought for a moment."I forget."

"This sucks." _But anything for you_, he thought.He didn't like to think that way, and even though he wasn't still mad, he also wasn't prepared to take another risk.

"I wholeheartedly concur." She agreed, wanting for this whole ordeal to just be over.

"Want to do something?" Jess asked as he leaned his body over to face her.

"Like what?We are on a train, in case you forgot, and the most you can do is play bingo with the seniors, but we've been there, done that."

"Four times." He added and Rory nodded."Fine, let's get a drink.A little alcohol can't hurt."

"It can only help." It was worth a shot.Even though she had already consumed way too much alcohol this trip.

"The perfect remedy." He said.

"The quintessential solution to the problems of which we are plagued." She played this little game.

"The only cure."

"Like adult candy." Rory replied.

"Or therapy for a model." He said.Normally, it would have been a joke, but he was serious.

"Or Santa's milk and cookies."

A pause.

"I think we've exhausted the euphemisms." Jess admitted.

"Yeah, probably." She agreed.

Pause.

"Still want to go?" Jess ventured.

"Not really."

"Took a lot out of me too."Both Rory and Jess settled back into their hard-as-rock mattresses.They would just have to remain peacefully at ease for the remainder of the trip.

After half an hour, Jess suddenly felt his eyelids go heavy, and he anticipated sleep.It would make the time go by more quickly.Just as he was about to nod off into his slumber, Rory's voice resonated through the excessively small room.

"Or Sudafed to a person suffering from a cold." She always had to keep on going.

Jess sighed, knowing now that he would be up until New York."Took you a half an hour to come up with that?"

Rory sighed out of exasperation."My mind does not work well under conditions such as these."

"Understandable."

"I know."

Silence, but no sleep.Just two wide-awake, bored, newly reacquainted friends.And although they were suffering from the hell that was a cross-country train ride, they were content knowing that Rory was going home, even if it was purely provisional.And they were friends; that made them pleased.

Things were back to normal. 

Almost.

They wish.

Would things ever go back? 

Hell no.

*******

The hours passed, tremendously protracted, but at last the train came to a halt at Penn Station.Rory and Jess gathered their already packed bags and were the first people to get off the train.

"I am never taking a train again."Rory said as they walked briskly along the sidewalk, looking for a cab.

"Didn't you take one on the way to California?" Jess was sure she had.

"Well, yeah," She conceded."But it was different.I was in denial, and grieving, and I mostly just cried.I didn't pay attention to time, or location, I just existed." This was tough for her to admit, but it felt nice to get it off her chest.She knew it would be better to openly talk about her feelings surrounding the accident and her flee.That was something they also, in addition to her feelings for Jess, had not discussed on the trip.

"Well, what about when you go back to California?"He was testing her, and wasn't sure whether this was too daring.He didn't know what her plans were.He wanted to know.

"Oh."_Damnit_."Maybe I won't go back.I'll just have a friend of mine send my things out.I had only planned on teaching at the University for another month until summer, so I could get someone to fill in for me.And I know a student who is looking for an apartment, so I'll tell her about mine."This was exactly what Jess wanted to hear.

"But if I do go back…" Rory continued and Jess cringed.So close."I could just…" Could she? Could she fly?In a plane? Could she? "I could just take the train.And some sleeping pills."Jess laughed despite himself, and Rory joined in.

She had missed New York and all it's glory.She had, after all, lived there for quite some time before California and she considered it to be a home.Her real home was still Stars Hollow, and no matter what anyone ever said, she would always be a small town girl.

Just then, a cab halted at their feet, and happy that his motioning had finally paid off, Jess smiled a wide smile and took he bags to the trunk.

"Stars Hollow, Connecticut." Rory stated proudly, and the realization hit her.Home, sweet home.Where the heart is.Where it all began.She couldn't wait?But what to do with the people?Surely the bridge, and the diner, and Patty's dance studio would welcome her with open arms…but would her family, and friends?

"What?" The cab driver sated impatiently.He had no time for games.

"Connecticut.I need a ride to Connecticut.Stars Hollow, just about an hour from Hartford."

"Listen, lady.I can't take you to Connecticut." He growled.

"But, please, I mean, I'm going home today, and I really just need a ride back home, and---" Rory's pleading was cut off by Jess's sudden appearance and behavior at the door.

"Connecticut.I'll give you directions as you go."Jess stated extraordinarily vehemently.Rory noticed the ease at which he fit into the New York ambiance.

"Yes, sir.But it'll cost ya." The driver immediately obliged.But for a price, of course.

"Just go."Jess settled himself down next to Rory and the driver sped off.

It was GO time.

In more ways than one.

Just a couple, long hours later, Rory watched as the familiar, yet distant, welcoming sign flashed before her eyes.

Good ole Stars Hollow.

Rory looked at Jess for reassurance and found him staring at her.Involuntarily, she blushed as she had done all those years ago.She had thought she was past _that_ stage.She was wrong.But she wasn't the only one blushing.

In an attempt to hide his gaze, Jess covered with a question.He wanted to say something like 'Bring back memories?' but that wasn't the sort of thing someone said in this particular situation.Too ironic.So he settled for, "Do you want me to go with you? I mean, inside the house?"

He hadn't meant to sound so sappy and lame.

"Yes." She replied, almost too quickly for her own good.But his comforting smile set her mind at rest.

"Ok." Simple reply for a not-so-simple state of affairs.He then proceeded to give the cab driver directions to the Gilmore household.

Rory took in her surroundings as she passed house after house and finally the petite town square.The diner.The bookstore.The gazebo.And then her street.And then her house.And the cab came to a stop.

Jess paid the driver and went to obtain the bags.But Rory remained rooted to her seat.There was no way she was getting out.No way.She was here, finally, but she wasn't really _here_.

"Lady, get outta the cab, willya?" The driver automatically took on a callous tone once the tough man, Jess, had vacated the cab.

But Rory didn't hear, or she didn't listen.Or she just refused to leave.Until Jess came to her rescue.

The door swung open and continued to physically wrench his friend from the seat.

"Rory," He called to her and she snapped out of the daze.

"Yeah, I know."She replied in a melancholy manner.Rory walked slowly along the path to the door.Her door.Was it still considered to be her door?

One step at a time.In more ways than one.

She walked up the porch and promptly stopped in front of the door.She turned to her guiding light, her support system, her friend, Jess.

"I can't do this.Really, I can't."Her voice was believable, and Jess could clearly make out the fear that resounded.

"Yes, you can."He looked down at her and took her hand in his.Just his touch sent shivers down her spine.And the light squeeze that followed caught her heart off guard.For such common contact, it sure was electrifying.She wondered if he felt it too.

He had to have, right?

Rory slowly felt her hand raise itself to the doorbell.

_Ding._

**A/N:**Please review, so I can make the next chapter better and cater to your needs.Remember, 30…lol I am a horrible person.Next chapter should be a very big chapter, but it all depends……………

   [1]: http://www.angelfire.com/al4/alely7
   [2]: mailto:alely7@yahoo.com



	7. Steps

**Bring Me Back**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters.****

**Summary: **After the tragic death of her fiancé, Rory changed the path that she was following only to meet an old friend who might just be the one to ignite past dreams and feelings. Future literati.

**A/N:**  Hey! Thanks for the reviews.  Hope you like this chapter, it's kinda of a big chapter, I don't know.  Ok, so what do yall think about when Rory and Jess should get together (it is a literati…)?  Is it too soon, or moving too slowly?  Please let me know, thanks! And, shameless plug, please read my other fanfic "Sitting Ducks, Kissing Ducks".  It's totally different, much happier hehe.  And review them both please!

Visit my site: www.angelfire.com/al4/alely7 it's called [ literati :: perfection ] and it's all Rory/Jess fanfics and fanart.  And send in your work too at alely7@yahoo.com.  

~alexela~

Chapter 7: Steps 

            Rory waited impatiently at the door, waiting for her mother, or someone, to answer.  Her hand was still resting nicely in Jess' when she heard her mother call out.  "Come in."  Immediately, Rory's thoughts transgressed back to happier times when she and her mother would sit on the couch for hours at end and call to the visitors in this manner.

            And so instead of moving, Rory stayed rooted to the ground.  She felt a gentle nudge on her shoulder from Jess.  She hadn't realized that they had been so close that their shoulders were touching.  It felt so nice, and Rory used this as an excuse not to move.  _For if she didn't move, she and Jess could remain this way_, she tried to justify her actions but knew it was all in vain.  Jess would make her move eventually.  It was inevitable, she would move.  

            Rory carefully placed her hand on the door handle and twisted to reveal her house, just as it had been.  The coat she had forgotten in her expeditious departure a year ago was still resting on a hook.  It was almost sad, but Rory felt unusually gratified by the gesture.   

            "Sookie, is that you?" Lorelai called out from the living room and at the sound of her voice, Rory lost control of herself and began to weep.  More like bawl.  She walked, with Jess in tow, to the entrance to the living room and saw her mother sitting on the couch, leaning up against Luke.  _Were they together now?_

            "Oh my God.  Rory."  Lorelai stated in shock from her place on the couch.  She didn't know whether or not to cry or smile or get up or leave.  Or just hug her daughter that she hadn't seen or heard from for a year.

            Rory, who had stationed herself at the doorway, finally became proactive and made a move to communicate.  "Mom, Luke."  She spoke through sobs and nodded her head numbly in their direction.  It wasn't a big move, but it was something.  More than what she had done for a year.  Rory had to admit that she was a little peeved that her mother had not gotten up to hug her or something, but then again, she really couldn't blame her.  There was no excuse for Rory's strange behavior and flight.

            And it wasn't until moments later that Rory had realized that her mother was crying too.  Rory hadn't meant to hurt her.  Jess had been right about her selfishness.  To desert a mother and family and friends was unacceptable.

            "Mom, I'm so sorry."  Rory cried out quietly as she ran to Lorelai's arms that had been outstretched just seconds before.  Immediately Rory felt the comfort and warmth that she only felt when she was in her mother's arms.  And Jess' arms.  _Did I feel that way with Jack?_ She hadn't, only she thought she had.

            "Oh, Rory, you're home.  I don't know whether to yell at you for running away or never let you go because I love you so much."  Lorelai talked into Rory's ear.  She was just delighted to be able to smell Rory again, as weird as that was.  The coat she had left behind had lost the scent months ago, much to Lorelai's displeasure.

            Luke, sensing a mother/daughter heart-to-heart conversation was in the works, quietly got up from his seat on the couch and met Jess at the door.

            "Let's leave them alone for a while."  Luke faintly spoke to Jess and watched Jess retreat from the room into the kitchen.  Luke decided to make some coffee, hoping Lorelai would pick the habit up again now that Rory was back.  And he was intent on hearing the details of Jess' persuasion.  

            "How'd you do it?"  Luke asked once out of the living room, and out of the girls' earshot.  

            "What do you mean?"  Jess asked in his usual manner as he sat down at the table.

            "What do you mean 'what do I mean'?  I mean how the hell did you get her to come back here?"  Luke asked incredulously.

            "Oh."  Jess affirmed and paused for a moment.  "It wasn't easy.  I wore her down."

            "Yeah?"  Luke looked up from his dealings with the coffee pot.

            "She almost didn't come.  She definitely didn't look pleased to see me show up at her class."  Jess laughed slightly.

            "Class?"

            "Yeah, she's a lit professor.  I walked into her class on Hemmingway and threw in a bit of my own irony.  Caught her off guard, to say the least."  Jess smirked at the shocked expression on Luke's face.

            "I cannot believe you did that."

            "It was very audacious of me." Jess smugly replied, and then sighed.  The realization hit him that he brought her back home. And now with her here, even though the two had talked things over, he would want her just as he had wanted her back then.  It would be hard.  Very hard.  Especially since they had agreed on being friends.  

            "And it worked."

            "It did indeed."

            "Is she staying?"  Luke finally asked what he had been dying to know.

            Jess dropped his head to his hands and rubbed his temples.  This absolutely killed Luke and he quickly grew impatient.  Finally, Jess raised his head.  "I don't know."

            "Took you that long to say 'I don't know'?" Luke asked.  _Damnit_, Jess was supposed to find out these things.  "Did you ask?"

            "Of course I asked.  But she didn't give a definitive answer.  I didn't want to press her."

            "Press. With the Gilmore women, you always press." Luke stressed, completely seriously.

            "She's delicate.  I couldn't."  Luke gave an understanding nod.  With Lorelai at least, you always press.  He would know because for the past few months, he and Lorelai had been dating.  After a couple of minutes of silence, Luke had another question.

            "Does she know?"  He asked and this time Jess didn't need clarification.  

            "Yeah, I told her and we talked about it.  We're good.  We're friends."  But Jess said 'friends' in a slightly sarcastic manner.

            "It's killing you, isn't it?" Luke inquired knowingly.  It had been the same with Lorelai, but everything had worked out.

            "Yep."  Jess candidly admitted.  One smile from her at a time.  She was killing him.

---

            Twenty minutes later, Rory still lay in her mother's loving grasp. And she decided right there and then that she wasn't going back to California.  There was no way she was leaving something this good once again.

            "Mom?"  Rory quietly asked.

            "Yeah sweets?"

            "Maybe we should talk." Rory admitted and Lorelai loosened her arms from around Rory's back.  

            "Yeah, that might be a good idea."  She paused for a moment and then continued.  "I know you may be confused about what you saw back there.  Me and Luke.  So I just want be the first to tell you that Luke and I are now a couple."  This wasn't exactly the type of talking that Rory had meant, but it was good just the same.  And Luke and Lorelai, finally together?  This was phenomenal.

            "You're serious?  When did this happen?"

            "A few months ago.  It's great.  One day, we were friends and then bam, he was helping me fix the roof and we get together."

            "Mom, this is great." Rory was thrilled.  At least her mother had someone to keep her company all those months.

            "I know.  And he is such a good kisser."  Lorelai divulged and giggled like a schoolgirl.  Rory sighed when she realized that this was exactly the way they used to talk.  _Were things really that easy?  Could she be acclimated so quickly?_  Probably not.

            "Mom, maybe we should talk about, um, my going away."  She didn't mean to put a damper on the good times.

            "I'll tell ya what.  Let's not." Lorelai said perfectly seriously.

            "What?" Rory asked, thoroughly confused.  _How could they not talk about it?_

            "I just don't want to dwell on it.  You are back now, and you seem to be okay.  But if you're not okay, then we can talk."

            "Well, I'm doing much better now.  And I've realized that home is where the heart is."

            "Hun, it took you a cross country trip to figure that out?  You could have just watched that movie with Natalie Portman.  Instead, I don't get to drink coffee for a year? Unfair."  Lorelai joked, just wholly desperate for things to return to normal.  She knew Rory never meant to hurt her intentionally.  

            "But in return, you got Luke…Love is better than a stupid drink." Rory pointed out.  By now, she was content allowing things to regress on their own.  As long as her mother seemed all right with it, which she did.  And that was the curious thing because Lorelai was known to hold a grudge.  Everything must have really changed, just hopefully not too much.  

            "That is true young Lorelai.  But rule number one for the UCLA, Universal Coffee Lover's Associaton, never call it the 's' word."  Lorelai couldn't help but smile when she thought of Luke, and her feelings were transparent, as Rory easily saw her mother's pleasure.  "And you got Jess…" Lorelai continued smiling as she looked across the room in contemplation.  

            "No I didn't."  Rory protested.  _I gave up Jess, and now I think I have regrets…_

            "Oh, my bad.  You will get Jess." Lorleia chuckled.

            "Why do you say that?" Rory was suddenly very interested.

            "Because you totally passed my 'I love Jess' test.  When I said you'd get together, I could just see they way you perked up and that twinkle in your eye suddenly got particularly bright."  

Lorelai could just tell that Rory still harbored feelings for Jess. Way back before Jack came into the picture, Lorelai was sure that Jess and Rory were destined to be together.  She also knew about the picnic Jess had planned for Rory.  In the beginning, she may not have been Jess' number one fan, but as time wore on, she had come to realize that the brooding young hoodlum had grown quite mature and comfortable with himself.  He was famous writer and he had his life together.  She would be happy to have him as a son-in-law.  But even though she knew that Jess still had loving feelings for Rory and Rory most definitely wanted to be more than friends, it would take a lot of planning and convincing to finally bring them together.  Unless of course something had happened in California…but you never count your chickens before the eggs hatch.  

            "I do not love Jess."  Rory denied the obvious.  But she was blatantly in love.

            "Whatever you say, kiddo.  Whatever you say…" Lorelai said in a comforting tone that was lucidly condescending in nature.  She wrapped her arm around Rory's shoulder and pulled her close into her body, savoring the contact.  This was good.  Very, very good.  And she was never letting Rory go again.  

            The mother and daughter remained silent for a while and then Luke came into the room, stopping hesitantly at the door.

            "I hope I'm not interrupting, but we come bearing gifts."  Luke and Jess were both holding cups of coffee, and the aroma was enlivening.  

            "Oooh, coffee. Gimme."  Lorelai ordered as if she were nine.  Well, a nine year old addicted to caffeine, but nine nonetheless.  Luke obligingly handed her a cup of the brown delight and Jess handed Rory one too.  Lorelai downed hers even before Rory was able to take a sip.  Quick as a flash, Lorelai grabbed the cup from Rory's hands.

            "Hey!  That's mine."  Rory accused but Lorelai just shrugged.

            "I have got to make up for lost time, sorry sweets."  She quickly took a sip, but decided to savor this cup.

            "You suck." Rory said.

            "You suck too." Lorelai countered and stuck out her tongue.  Real mature.  But the Lorelais' weren't exactly known for that maturity.  

            Jess looked to Luke as the twosome continued a verbal dispute and rolled his eyes.  Luke offered a small guffaw at the nonsense, but inside, both Danes men were thanking their God that things between the Gilmore girls had transitioned so smoothly.  It could have been much worse that a light hearted game of steal the coffee.

---

            After a few hours of reminiscing and recounting, Luke declared that he had to go back to the diner to prepare for the dinner crowd.  Normally, Lorelai would not have gone with, but right now, she wanted to leave Jess and Rory alone for a while to see what indeed was brewing.  A deep love or a fizzled lust that left behind sorry pieces.  And although she wanted to spend some much overdue time with Rory, she knew that come Monday, Jess would probably be heading back to New York City for press parties and photo shoots.  This was their chance to be alone together, for what might be a long time.  

            "So, I guess you'll be staying in your old room for a while then, right?"  Jess asked once he was alone with Rory on the living room couch.

            "Yeah, for awhile anyway.  I'm not sure whether or not I want to go back to New York.  I think I'm such a Stars Hollow type gal that I'm not suited for the big city life."

            "I'm definitely not the 'Stars Hollow type fellow'." Jess joked.

            "City life suits you well."

            "I certainly can't live without all that pollution and chaos." 

            "Why should anyone have to?" Rory teased.  "And plus, everyone in the city smokes, so you fit in well."

            Jess looked down to his hands and starting cracking his knuckles.  It had been his nervous habit since…

            "I actually quit smoking." He admitted.  He had done it when he had realized that Rory was gone.  It had been Lorelai and her coffee.  Luke and his Jimmy Buffet.  And Jess and his smoking.

            "What?  You did?  Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

            "I don't really like to talk about it, it brings on cravings.  But about a year ago, I guess."

            "Oh, I'm sorry for bringing it up, but that's good. I'm glad for you.  I remember when Jack would always smoke in the apartment, it would drive me nuts and…" Rory cut herself off from talking about Jack.  This was a new chapter in her life, one she hoped would be lived without too much interference from him.  In an attempt to change the subject… "When do you have to go back to New York?"

            "I actually am supposed to go back on Monday."  He said and Rory calculated in her head.  Monday was just two days away.  That wasn't much Jess time. 

            "Oh."  She replied, rather dejectedly.

            "Do you want me to stay?" Jess asked, thinking that if she only said 'yes' he would cancel all plans and stay.  It was ironic that the situation had been similar but in reverse those years ago when Rory had only wanted Jess to make a move, and she would have chosen him.  

            But no.

            "Oh, don't.  I've already caused so much trouble for you.  Go back to New York. We can talk on the phone and stuff."  Rory had wanted to ask him to stay, but that wasn't fair.  He had a life waiting for him back in _his_ home.   She hoped he couldn't hear the despondency in her response.

            "I see."  He said back, hurt by her refusal to inconvenience him, as unusual as that sounded.  

            Silence.

            "Are you going back to California?"  He asked out of the blue.

            "No."

            At that moment, he felt a hundred pounds lift from his shoulders.  She was staying.

            And he was going back to New York.

            Damnit.

            "Good."  He replied and she turned to face him.  Suddenly, she was overcome with the need to hug him, and he must have been feeling the same way, for they both went in for a tender hug.  She could feel his hand slowly massage her back in soothing circles.

            "Thank you."  She whispered into his ear and it sent shivers down his spine.

            "No, thank _you_."  He murmured back into her ear with reciprocal sensations.  And slowly, he moved his lips to her cheek and kissed it softly and swiftly.  Like an angel's kiss.

            The kiss of an angel.  

_Was it a sign from Jack?_

A/N:  Thanks for reading! Hope you liked the chapter!  Let me know what you thought and what you want to happen, thanks!! 


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